Category: Technique

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Writing funny

It’s hard to be funny, as the old adage goes: “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” Trying to make your writing funny is seriously unfunny. It’s like being held hostage at a dinner by the party bore.

I always followed the key advice given to budding stand-up comics; relax and have fun. If you’re having fun it will come through. If you are not having fun your readers will, like a stand-up’s audience, will give you a healthy response. With lots of fruit.

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Writing Prompts Prompt Writing

Do I hear a collective groan ripple around the room?

Sometimes you hear it at the beginning of a workshop, just after the facilitator has presented the warm-up exercise to the group. The writing prompt. Most frequently you need more than a prompt to get you writing- you need a smack on the forehead with a mug of coffee.

Apart from threatening cranial damage with beverages let us examine the resistance to the writing prompt.

Writing prompts ask you to pursue ideas or inspiration. Perhaps that feels uncomfortable. But try to let go of the preconceived notion that inspiration is supposed to strike you like a SWAT team - without warning-. You could wait for the team of muses to show up but muses are fickle and tardy. They show up during inappropriate moments or just before you sleep. Elvis Costello has recommended sleeping with a pen and notebook while learning to write in the dark. I tried it once but stabbed myself while fumbling for the notebook.

In writing workshops a time limit is given for writing prompts (invariably because workshops are limited by time) and some people panic during the 15-20 minutes. They freeze up or throw anything onto the page. Relax, there’s no pressure to produce literary gold at this stage, just a requirement for you to get out of your own way and learn by doing.

But you don’t live in a workshop. The next time you encounter writer’s block it may be time to dig out some prompts. I don’t mean the cheesy ones which induce jaded eye-rolling even in children (“Imagine you could fly!” “Choose a superpower!”). Look to the prompts that encourage a more organic approach to writing. The best writing prompt I ever had was to just listen to my surroundings and write about what I heard. I also highly recommend Brian Kiteley’s  The 3am Epiphany  and  The 4am Breakthrough . Before long you’ll have a notebook full of sketches and scribblings which will engender more ideas.

Give this a try for a week. The only noise you should make during the initial stages of creativity are exclamations of ‘Eureka!’

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Default Modes

As a writer you are stuck with two modes:

1. Third person narrative, past tense or

2. First person, past tense.

There are notable exceptions such as the very occasional foray in second person (the only English- language novel written entirely in second person is Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney) but second person is a narrative mode that tends to irritate the reader. (At a slim 80-odd pages McInerney’s novel does not wear out its welcome)

I know my dissatisfaction with the default modes of narrative sounds presumptuous but I’ve tried varying my narrative voices with second person and unreliable first persons. I made them so unreliable I saw polygraphs on the blank page instead of text. Postmodern theorists and meta-texts were revisited. Francis Fukuyama has a point when he proclaimed the Death of The Author. Sometimes it feels like you’re typing from the other side.

There is not much you as a writer or a reader can do about the default modes. Mainly because humans are the only animals who tell stories (unless a marine biologist possesses footage of whales or dolphins regaling each other with tales – no pun intended). We like our stories set in the past to feel a sense of history and continuity, fictional or not. Try writing a short story in the future tense (believe me, I have) and the artifice really stands out.

But don’t jettison third person or first person narratives because writers and readers love to pretend (This character could be me!). Hence, second person grates after several pages because the writer is telling the reader who or what to pretend.

Perhaps default modes are so because they *work*. Have you tried experimenting with different modes of narrative in your writing?

The Spark Blogfest

The Spark Blogfest

This is hosted by Christine Tyler, in which the Spark Blogfest asks three key questions about inspiration. (I love the word ‘doomed’ in the first question!)

1. What book made you realize you were doomed to be a writer? 

There was no specific text that acted as a knell or an augury because I was only six years old. But I had a teacher who would read out some Roald Dahl to keep us occupied, and during those sessions I discovered that stories trump television every time. In school anything I wrote in English Composition class would end up displayed on the school’s Open Day noticeboard or get sent to the principal, and I’d panic because I thought I’d done something wrong. Now I realize I was doing something very right.

When I was sixteen I picked up an excellent Icon guide to Franz Kafka and decided to try The Metamorphosis and The Trial. These two works demonstrated that fiction is an instant passport to another person’s headspace and the immense skill required of a writer to draw the reader in. Inception? Fight Club? Contemporary cinematic nightmares in a damaged brain are nothing compared to Gregor Samsa’s and Josef K’s ordeals.

2. What author set off that spark of inspiration for your current Work in Progress?

I have a few WIPS with a spec fic bent. I always return to Aldous Huxley, H.G Wells and Arthur C.Clarke. All writers who saw so far into the future that the present is still catching up with their predictions. “How did they know?” I used to wonder at their extrapolations, although judging from the state of the early 21st century, the question is now, “How could they not have known?!”

3. Is there a book or author that changed your world view?

All books and writers invariably change your perception in varying degrees, if we’re going with the more encompassing interpretation of world view (weltanschauung).

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Audio Dynamite

Who doesn’t like being read to? Unfortunately, the book-at-bedtime routine is getting rare. I remember the last time I read out a story to a friend’s child and I received strange looks, as if I was carrying out an antiquated ritual.

“How quaint!” exclaimed my friend, “But I can’t read as well as you, Eeleen.”

“Thanks. But you just have to read to your kid.” I replied.

There is an essential link between reading and writing. Derek Neale, one of the authors of The Creative Writing Workbook,  expresses it so well that I had to lie down when I first read it. Huge sparks went off in my head:

The audio version of any story amounts to a dramatic adaptation: narrative fiction, whether for children or adults, is a form of dramatic performance. Usually the solitary reader performs the narrative voice and all the dialogue voices of a story, hearing and enacting them inside his or her head.

How does this help a writer? Ensure what you write sounds as good aloud as it does on the page. Ignore those strange looks and read out your work to yourself. If it makes you cringe, rewrite it.

In the beginning you’ll struggle to find your voice. I do not deny the many long sessions of awkward self-consciousness and doubt. External voices from other people don’t help too. But the voice in your head that sounded out those words on pages is real. The more you read the stronger that voice will sound.

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Writing Is Not Like Running

Jung was right about a collective unconscious. You see it in action in numerous car advertisements when copywriters use words that pertain to flight or flying. Everyone knows that cars cannot technically fly (not yet…) but the yearning is palpable. We want to feel like flying as we drive. The archaic remnants of a dream since Icarus flew too close to the sun without a parachute and Amber Solaire.

Running and writing is another widespread pairing of two unlikely activities. Haruki Murakami writes about marathon-running in his 2007 memoir What I Talk About When I Talk About Running and makes the observation, “Most of what I know about writing fiction I learned by running every day.”

Comparisons, observations and ruminations on craft are useful when trying to communicate how easy/difficult it is, but I find it strange to compare writing to other activities. Only because writing is like writing and nothing compares to it.

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Dystopia Myopia

World-building. A prerequisite for any spec-fic writer. Yes, I’m talking to you – are you up to the challenge of constructing your own brave new world? Or will it collapse like a house of invalid ID cards?

Dystopias are popular and viewed as an anthropological, social and cultural sci-fi. When compared to constructing alien races and cultures, planets and languages, dystopias appear easy to create. After all, just imagine a future similar to the present but more shite.

Dystopias are tricky to write in the sense that there is insufficient distance from the present. 1984 has passed 1984 and Brave New World’s prescience reverberates with hindsight. But there is no need to be a prophet- your task is more like a cartographer. Know your territory well and be prepared that the terrain may radically transform during the course of writing.

Also, think of your favourite cinematic dystopias (Blade Runner, Gatacca, THX 1138, Logan’s Run). It doesn’t matter how shite your future is , it has to be cool, stylish, or OTT (The Road Warrior) enough to engage your reader. Yet unlike film, oodles of style cannot compensate for your utopia’s lack of substance. Equilibrium (2002) looked ultra-fantastic; Christian Bale dressed in severe dog-collared suits and doing a nifty fictional martial arts called gun-kata. But all the visuals could not hide the flawed and implausible plot about a totalitarian government’s attempt to police emotions.

Something has to be unfair. Extremely unfair. The authorities have imposed upon society severe restrictions and laws. They deem forbidden something that we take for granted. Books (Farenheit 451) love, art, beauty, women’s rights (The Handmaid’s Tale). But bear in mind that what is unfair is subjective. If you can’t stand kids then Aldous Huxley’s vision of bottle-reared babies may sound amusing. If you aren’t interested in books (if so, what the hell are you doing reading this blog?!) Farenheit 451 may not ruffle your feathers. Perhaps a surveillance state is preferable to an anarchic one?

But consider that we all fear the misuse and abuse of power, and also consider that there are people who will gladly give up some freedoms to gain other types of freedoms.  The real question that dystopic fiction asks is, “What are you willing to tolerate?”

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Writer Olympics

Let’s be honest with ourselves: writing is not very physical. Heaving the laptop/notebook to the cafe is probably the most active a writer gets when they are working, or pacing the room and tearing your hair out while threatening your Muse to show up. Not that I’m saying all writers neglect exercise, some make the best exercisers. Yours truly loves her gym, belly dancing and core-strength vinyasa yoga with Sadie Nardini (not necessarily in that order…) 4-5 times a week and Murakami wrote a book on long-distance running.

But I’m sure you are an athlete in your mind (otherwise you won’t be insane enough to be a writer.) you train yourself everyday to bang out those words on paper. You can create a team of characters in the time it takes to run 100m! Your plotting strategy is worthy of field sports! You run multiple marathon writing sessions!  You tell yourself mental exhaustion/burnout is for amateurs!

Citius, Altius, Fortius! Pay tribute to the highest manifestation of human athletic ability the Winter Olympics, by taking the following quiz, inspired by the Guardian guide to Winter Olympics

Which Winter Olympics Sport Matches your Writing Style?


1. You prefer to___
a)Work alone
b)Work with a friend/ buddy
c)Write and then present work to a group for critque
d)Write as part of a group for the competition

2. Once started on a piece, you___
a) Stick to it and block out outside intrusions – its gonna be a long hard slog.
b) Contact your friend/buddy regularly
c) Need a nudge or a push from your team (friends, family) to get you going
d)Brace yourself against all odds.

3. Which best describes your progress?
a) Slow and steady. With scheduled breaks
b) A sustained effort as long as your friend/buddy performs well.
c) A hard fast start but with a tendency to get sidetracked.
d) A furious intensive session. Other people have to referee on your behalf

4. Which response best describes your response to writer’s block?
a) Take a break and resume writing when recovered.
b) It’s their problem too!
c) Should’ve seen that coming!
d) Head on. With a long stick and body armour

5)How do you react to unjustified negative criticism?
a) Shrug it off.No one said it was going to be easy when you’re alone.
b) Smile at each other. All judges are biased anyway.
c) Blame your equipment (“@#$%ing spellcheck!”)
d) Pick a fistfight, it never hurts to entertain your audience too….

If you chose:

Mostly As:
Cross Country Skiing
Endurance and tenacity are your main strengths. But know when to pace yourself.

Mostly Bs:
Figure Skating
Something genuinely beautiful can emerge from collaborations if you can both master your egos.

Mostly Cs:
Bobsleigh
Your team are behind you all the way but you are driving your bobsleigh, and have to figure out the best way along your personal track.  Maintain control and don’t lose it

Mostly Ds:
Ice Hockey
You play fast, and score goal after goal. Writing feels like a full contact sport and you tell yourself you thrive on challenge. Beware of mid-career burnout and play nice with the other team.

Post your results in the Comments section

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Zen Pen

Zen wisdom come in sayings or  the koan- a lightning bolt of impenetrable, illogical profundity. Answers are not required as the enigmatic sayings and axioms are intended to induce enlightenment by moving the mind to a different position. This is called a mental ‘precipice’.

Whether you leap off the precipice or sit and admire the view, the Zen approach brings benefits to the writing process. If your writing sessions sound more like “Arghhhhh!” instead of “Ahhhhh…!” read on.

1. “Water that is too pure has no fish” (Hong Zicheng)
You may have created a great protagonist/ antagonist. But no one is 101% goody-two shoes or evil. Not only are these characters stock, two-dimensional and boring, they are also implausible.  Characters are conflicted and flawed, they are rattling bags of contradictions and they transform over the course of a story. Or even a sentence.

2. “Omnipotence is not knowing how everything is done – it’s just doing it” (Alan Watts)
Story plans : structures or strait-jackets? Try not to think of concrete definitions in the early stages. Instead, put your story in an open space and explore it. You don’t have to know all the answers yet.

3. “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear, does it make a sound?” (unknown)
A koan-like philosophy question but not a Zen koan.  Can something exist without it being perceived?
You may have manuscripts tucked away somewhere, stories you don’t show to anyone. Without exposure they are as good as non-existent. Go on, dig them out, have another look. Since you wrote them, you owe them their existence.

4. “In serving, serve.
In fighting, kill.”   (Jinzu)
Let me append another line, “In writing, write.”
I see this as a warning against multitasking, which detracts from your intention. We all do it, but perhaps it is better to turn off the technological distractions and just concentrate on your work.

5. “The reverse side also has a reverse side” (proverb)
As a writer you are encouraged to be investigative and look beyond the obvious. There is never just one aspect or story to anyone or anything.

Dance or Die…

Dancing= standing up, whereas writing = sitting down. The similarity is not apparent but the two interconnect for me. Since childhood I’ve been to most types of dance classes with invariably, some injury to show for them; sprained my ankles, pulled hamstrings, and even tore a tendon choreographing a lyrical routine to U2′s ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’. standing in queues and practise flamenco zapateos or Irish stepdancing.

I carried on dancing in spite of an eating disorder and people telling me I was fat. (I don’t remember which gave cause to the other and I was never obese or lard-arsed…) only because when I was doing it I could shut out all outside negativity and chatter. Writing, dancing, painting etc…thats the real beauty of any creative activity – you do it no matter what others say or think.

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Images of Gorgeous Desolation: Reading J.G Ballard

Steven Spielberg’s 1987 film adaptation of Empire of the Sun brought JG Ballard to my notice. After watching the film I sought out the original source novel and tried to read it, thinking rather naively that it’d be easy young adult read because the protagonist Jim, is ten years old. After vivid nightmarish descriptions of a ruined Shanghai and a street urchin’s memorable refrain of, ‘No momma, no papa, no whisky soda!’ I put the book down because it was beyond my ten year old reading capabilities. It was too complex, but I promised myself that I’d return to Ballard when I was older.

Ten years later one of the tutors on my 20th Century literature module assigned the aptly named Crash as a text for class discussion- which was disastrous. The class coincided with the release of David Cronenberg’s controversial film version and I recall two of the students, a pair of middle-aged ladies fuming at the choice of reading text and the content because both were emergency ward nurses and they were outraged at the fetishistic nature of Crash . My tutor seemed to delight in this provocation while I kept expressing that the film version is more graphic than the novel and that the class had trouble separating film adaptation from novel.

“You actually saw the film?” one of the nurses gawped at me as if I was a twisted pervert.

“Twice.” I replied, deliberately excused myself from class and walked past both nurses with an affected limp. I didn’t go back to class; instead I sat in the campus cafe and marveled at the power of literature to challenge and provoke.

Nowadays, in reading and rereading Ballard I’m astounded at his genius in creating scenes of desolate beauty and exoticism. Although there are shocking elements in works as The Atrocity Exhibition, even in Crash beauty is present in bleak sterility; ’For half an hour I sat by the window…looking down at the hundreds of cars in the parking lot. Their roofs formed a lake of metal.’ Here’s another gem (no pun intended)  from The Crystal World: ‘On a lawn of green glass spurs a child’s tricycle glittered like a Faberge gem, the wheels starred into brilliant jasper crowns.” Finally here is my personal favourite from The Day of Creation: ‘Signal flares were falling from the air, like  discarded pieces of the sun.’ 

Nicolas Shakespeare’s review of  Ballard’s memoir Miracles of Life: From Shanghai to Shepperton offers some insight into Ballard’s writing headspace:

“What most excites (Ballard’s) imagination are the shells of his native city: a drained swimming pool, a friend’s gutted house, a bombed-out casino – “more real and more meaningful” as empty and ruined than when thronged with gamblers, and giving Ballard a sense of precariousness he never lost: “that reality itself was a stage set that could be dismantled at any moment”. In Ballard’s fiction, the more ruined and desolate the setting, the more beautiful and haunting the images. Like Borges, the most surreal Ballardian tale is anchored by a core of profund truth.

Finally, I still love space operas and other conventional science-fiction forms but reading Ballard’s essay ‘Which Way to Inner Space?’ provided me with an alternative compass for writing science-fiction. According to Ballard, space fiction can no longer provide the ‘main wellspring of ideas for sci-fi’ because it is becoming increasingly dated and the stuff of science fiction is now becoming science fact . Ballard suggests that sci-fi turn its back on aliens, outer space etc…and become more literary and metaphysical in its ideas and approach. “It is the inner space-suit that is needed and it is up to science fiction to build it!”

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Spread Yourself

K.M Weiland ran a blog post on The Worst Writing Advice and the usual suspects turned up such as; “Write what you know,” “Follow/ Break all the rules,” and ” Don’t worry about your audience.”.

I want to add another fatuous gem to this list, “Stick to what you know.”

Really?

I’ve not had those exact words expressed to my face but I remember generating such sentiments in the early experimental stages. When I wrote poetry, plays, flash fiction and even Billy Bragg-esque songs. Some of them (especially the songs) were awful. Naturally I was told that I couldn’t be good at everything and was advised, ‘Stick to what you know.’ and not to be a Jill of all trades because specialization guarantees success, especially in the commercial sense.

As in art and in evolution- specialization is a death sentence in the long run. For many excellent reasons (in my case its boredom).

In the beginning people love telling you what you can and cannot do. Prove them wrong.

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Info Skip

Speculative fiction is full of info dumps – a conscise summation of the world for the reader.

However, in writing spec fic there is such a thing as too much information. Yes, you want to immerse readers in your world but totally suffocate them. Little niggling details are not necessary, such as the following:

1. Toilet Habits

Skip these unless its really essential to the plot and narrative thrust. How does your alien being excrete? (Note: *all* living organisms that respire must excrete…) Not even as a joke – remember the three seashells in the water closet in the 1993 Stallone movie, ‘Demolition Man’? I never got that gag and still don’t.

2. Food

I’m not saying exclude food. But the food item/s must be special and add to plot dynamics. Like the geriatric spice drug  in Frank Herbert’s Dune and please avoid a Soylent Green-type revelation. We all know what it is by now.

20 great infodumps are listed below at Io9:

http://io9.com/5481558/20-great-infodumps-from-science-fiction-novels