Category: Advice
Recommended Tools for World Domination
If I sound like a James Bond villain I won’t apologize. You have to think like a mini-megalomaniac (if there is such a personality type) if you want to master your domain. In anything you do, do it well.
‘A poor workman blames his tools’. But don’t blame Spellcheck or a lousy computer for your latest rejection or bad plotting. I don’t agree with technological determinism about tools shaping the work and the artist/ workman, only because we’re stuck with what we have for now. Could we have had it so much better? Would Hamlet and War and Peace be better or worse if they were written on laptops? Would Vivaldi have benefited from digital recording? We’ll never know.
But there are some items you need for your arsenal.
1. Noise-Cancelling Earphones
You need a pair of these earphones when you’re working. Shut a figurative door on noisy distractions by plugging up your earholes and looking discreet. Headphones make you look like you’re working on a construction site. The earphones do let some background noise in but best to err on side of caution. Don’t use when driving, operating heavy machinery or walking across the road.
2. Notebook
The stationery sort with pages, but just as portable as a laptop and more resistant to knocks and coffee spills. Moleskin, deerskin or meerkat, spiral or bound, lined or blank it doesn’t matter. You don’t want have to a really great idea for a nefarious plan only to start scrabbling for ink and paper later. You can also burn the incriminating evidence or embarrassing poetry afterwards.
3. Assorted Media (Watercolours, modelling clay, acrylic…)
This is related to (2). Pen and paper and tapping away on your computer won’t suffice. If you’re stuck, paint with a different brush. Draw characters as stick figures and plan stories like paintings. Or don’t by indulging your inner Jackson Pollock.
4. Mug
Don’t laugh but a mug of your tipple of choice is always comforting to have on hand. If the mug is too big and it feels like you’re strength-training every time you take a swig, too small and its like having tea with the petit noblesse .
5. Thumbdrive
All praise shrinking storage! Back up your important data and back up your back-ups.
6. Gaming Mouse
Gaming mice are ergonomically designed to fit into the crook of your hand and handle so well it’s as if your hand is a mouse. Great for long sessions of editing and redrafting WIPs.
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Writing Prompts Prompt Writing
Do I hear a collective groan ripple around the room?
Sometimes you hear it at the beginning of a workshop, just after the facilitator has presented the warm-up exercise to the group. The writing prompt. Most frequently you need more than a prompt to get you writing- you need a smack on the forehead with a mug of coffee.
Apart from threatening cranial damage with beverages let us examine the resistance to the writing prompt.
Writing prompts ask you to pursue ideas or inspiration. Perhaps that feels uncomfortable. But try to let go of the preconceived notion that inspiration is supposed to strike you like a SWAT team - without warning-. You could wait for the team of muses to show up but muses are fickle and tardy. They show up during inappropriate moments or just before you sleep. Elvis Costello has recommended sleeping with a pen and notebook while learning to write in the dark. I tried it once but stabbed myself while fumbling for the notebook.
In writing workshops a time limit is given for writing prompts (invariably because workshops are limited by time) and some people panic during the 15-20 minutes. They freeze up or throw anything onto the page. Relax, there’s no pressure to produce literary gold at this stage, just a requirement for you to get out of your own way and learn by doing.
But you don’t live in a workshop. The next time you encounter writer’s block it may be time to dig out some prompts. I don’t mean the cheesy ones which induce jaded eye-rolling even in children (“Imagine you could fly!” “Choose a superpower!”). Look to the prompts that encourage a more organic approach to writing. The best writing prompt I ever had was to just listen to my surroundings and write about what I heard. I also highly recommend Brian Kiteley’s The 3am Epiphany and The 4am Breakthrough . Before long you’ll have a notebook full of sketches and scribblings which will engender more ideas.
Give this a try for a week. The only noise you should make during the initial stages of creativity are exclamations of ‘Eureka!’
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Stereotype Shootout #2
Presenting the second in a series entitled ‘Stereotype Shoot-Out’, in which I shall dispel common preconceptions and pre-conceived notions associated with writers and writing.
#2 You can’t make a living as a writer. (Or you’ll be a starving artist)
The biggest preconceived notion about writing and creative arts in general makes me livid. Not because it’s true, but usually it is often used to dissuade aspirants. I’m not sure what it is about the arts that tends to make people believe aspirants must be brought down to earth with a huge thud. Perhaps in certain cases of talentless clods a barbed comment can be the kindest thing to say to them: “Don’t give up the day job.” or “You’re shit and you know it.”
But to cite a bleak financial future as a sole reason for not trying or persisting is reductive. You may not be able live off the earnings from your writing but ask yourself if can you live without writing? I won’t presume to offer advice on how to juggle the demands of working and writing but if it really matters, your writing is your life-support and not vice versa.
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Default Modes
As a writer you are stuck with two modes:
1. Third person narrative, past tense or
2. First person, past tense.
There are notable exceptions such as the very occasional foray in second person (the only English- language novel written entirely in second person is Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney) but second person is a narrative mode that tends to irritate the reader. (At a slim 80-odd pages McInerney’s novel does not wear out its welcome)
I know my dissatisfaction with the default modes of narrative sounds presumptuous but I’ve tried varying my narrative voices with second person and unreliable first persons. I made them so unreliable I saw polygraphs on the blank page instead of text. Postmodern theorists and meta-texts were revisited. Francis Fukuyama has a point when he proclaimed the Death of The Author. Sometimes it feels like you’re typing from the other side.
There is not much you as a writer or a reader can do about the default modes. Mainly because humans are the only animals who tell stories (unless a marine biologist possesses footage of whales or dolphins regaling each other with tales – no pun intended). We like our stories set in the past to feel a sense of history and continuity, fictional or not. Try writing a short story in the future tense (believe me, I have) and the artifice really stands out.
But don’t jettison third person or first person narratives because writers and readers love to pretend (This character could be me!). Hence, second person grates after several pages because the writer is telling the reader who or what to pretend.
Perhaps default modes are so because they *work*. Have you tried experimenting with different modes of narrative in your writing?
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Don’t Bitch on Blogs
I’ve read a fair amount of griping and bellyaching on personal blogs and you’ll read the same on mine, although I keep those sorts of posts to a minimum.
But I was dismayed to read the personal blog of a writer bitching about a mutual editor and publisher. Not dismayed at the utter lack of discretion in the posts that detailed all their editorial discussions, or the personal nature of the attacks, but I could not believe the short-sightedness on display. Talk about tearing off the arm that is attached to the hand that feeds you.
Plus the arrogance! The attitude of the writer was that he/she didn’t need a major publisher and could make tons of money via ebooks like Amanda Hocking.
To paraphrase what they say in Hollywood, “You’ll never get published in this town again!”
Dystopia Myopia
World-building. A prerequisite for any spec-fic writer. Yes, I’m talking to you – are you up to the challenge of constructing your own brave new world? Or will it collapse like a house of invalid ID cards?
Dystopias are popular and viewed as an anthropological, social and cultural sci-fi. When compared to constructing alien races and cultures, planets and languages, dystopias appear easy to create. After all, just imagine a future similar to the present but more shite.
Dystopias are tricky to write in the sense that there is insufficient distance from the present. 1984 has passed 1984 and Brave New World’s prescience reverberates with hindsight. But there is no need to be a prophet- your task is more like a cartographer. Know your territory well and be prepared that the terrain may radically transform during the course of writing.
Also, think of your favourite cinematic dystopias (Blade Runner, Gatacca, THX 1138, Logan’s Run). It doesn’t matter how shite your future is , it has to be cool, stylish, or OTT (The Road Warrior) enough to engage your reader. Yet unlike film, oodles of style cannot compensate for your utopia’s lack of substance. Equilibrium (2002) looked ultra-fantastic; Christian Bale dressed in severe dog-collared suits and doing a nifty fictional martial arts called gun-kata. But all the visuals could not hide the flawed and implausible plot about a totalitarian government’s attempt to police emotions.
Something has to be unfair. Extremely unfair. The authorities have imposed upon society severe restrictions and laws. They deem forbidden something that we take for granted. Books (Farenheit 451) love, art, beauty, women’s rights (The Handmaid’s Tale). But bear in mind that what is unfair is subjective. If you can’t stand kids then Aldous Huxley’s vision of bottle-reared babies may sound amusing. If you aren’t interested in books (if so, what the hell are you doing reading this blog?!) Farenheit 451 may not ruffle your feathers. Perhaps a surveillance state is preferable to an anarchic one?
But consider that we all fear the misuse and abuse of power, and also consider that there are people who will gladly give up some freedoms to gain other types of freedoms. The real question that dystopic fiction asks is, “What are you willing to tolerate?”
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Writer Olympics
Let’s be honest with ourselves: writing is not very physical. Heaving the laptop/notebook to the cafe is probably the most active a writer gets when they are working, or pacing the room and tearing your hair out while threatening your Muse to show up. Not that I’m saying all writers neglect exercise, some make the best exercisers. Yours truly loves her gym, belly dancing and core-strength vinyasa yoga with Sadie Nardini (not necessarily in that order…) 4-5 times a week and Murakami wrote a book on long-distance running.
But I’m sure you are an athlete in your mind (otherwise you won’t be insane enough to be a writer.) you train yourself everyday to bang out those words on paper. You can create a team of characters in the time it takes to run 100m! Your plotting strategy is worthy of field sports! You run multiple marathon writing sessions! You tell yourself mental exhaustion/burnout is for amateurs!
Citius, Altius, Fortius! Pay tribute to the highest manifestation of human athletic ability the Winter Olympics, by taking the following quiz, inspired by the Guardian guide to Winter Olympics
Which Winter Olympics Sport Matches your Writing Style?
1. You prefer to___
a)Work alone
b)Work with a friend/ buddy
c)Write and then present work to a group for critque
d)Write as part of a group for the competition
2. Once started on a piece, you___
a) Stick to it and block out outside intrusions – its gonna be a long hard slog.
b) Contact your friend/buddy regularly
c) Need a nudge or a push from your team (friends, family) to get you going
d)Brace yourself against all odds.
3. Which best describes your progress?
a) Slow and steady. With scheduled breaks
b) A sustained effort as long as your friend/buddy performs well.
c) A hard fast start but with a tendency to get sidetracked.
d) A furious intensive session. Other people have to referee on your behalf
4. Which response best describes your response to writer’s block?
a) Take a break and resume writing when recovered.
b) It’s their problem too!
c) Should’ve seen that coming!
d) Head on. With a long stick and body armour
5)How do you react to unjustified negative criticism?
a) Shrug it off.No one said it was going to be easy when you’re alone.
b) Smile at each other. All judges are biased anyway.
c) Blame your equipment (“@#$%ing spellcheck!”)
d) Pick a fistfight, it never hurts to entertain your audience too….
If you chose:
Mostly As:
Cross Country Skiing
Endurance and tenacity are your main strengths. But know when to pace yourself.
Mostly Bs:
Figure Skating
Something genuinely beautiful can emerge from collaborations if you can both master your egos.
Mostly Cs:
Bobsleigh
Your team are behind you all the way but you are driving your bobsleigh, and have to figure out the best way along your personal track. Maintain control and don’t lose it
Mostly Ds:
Ice Hockey
You play fast, and score goal after goal. Writing feels like a full contact sport and you tell yourself you thrive on challenge. Beware of mid-career burnout and play nice with the other team.
Post your results in the Comments section
How To Slay Monsters In Your Creative Life
This does not just apply to writers but to anyone in a field of creativity. You are fortunate to have your cheerleaders and mentors following you like a pro-golfer as you do your rounds, but when there is light, there is dark. Unfortunately, you will have a crowd of hecklers, naysayers, passive-aggressives and two-faced Januses trailing along too. Monstrous beings who take joy in sucking the creative joie de vivre out of you.
You can fight back! Without too much collateral damage to your personal relationships and peace of mind!
1. Family
The most difficult and painful people to handle with tact, subtlety and restraint. You can’t bring yourself to shoot a close family member in the head if they returned from the dead as a zombie or to drive a stake through their chest if they are vampires. But I am sure you had that discussion with yourself or another more understanding family member- What happened to this person? Why did they change when I changed my career path and decided to pursue my vision? Why did they suddenly turn around and become so….hurtful? I don’t know them anymore because they aren’t the same person I used to know.
Fear is the main cause- they most probably fear that you will be disappointed. If they had unfulfilled dreams they are concerned that you’ll be crushed too. But the amount of concern that is felt is inversely proportional to the closeness of the family member and kind intentions strangely morph into harsh words. The closer they are, the more they hurt because (especially in the case of parents and spouses) of tough love.
The best tactic is action. Show them that you are actively in pursuit. They will change once they hear of your first publication, sale, shortlisting, exhibition etc ….
‘What about the others?’ you ask. Those family members with whom you must mingle during festivities. Maybe they don’t like your mother’s side and you inherited this creative streak from your eccentric grandfather, maybe they like to compare cousins or maybe they resent you no matter what. You can’t change them. But just as there are non-violent ways of tackling the undead (garlic, crosses, sunlight, holy water, talismans) you do not have to be confrontational. Smile, change the subject and avoid getting stuck alone in the kitchen with that annoying aunt. Just because you may be drunk and there are sharp objects in the vicinity.
2. Friends
You need your friends, especially in the event of a zombie apocalypse, alien invasion or vampire infestation. They got your back and you have theirs. Alas, what happens if they get bitten, abducted by the aliens or infected with the zombie virus? You’ll hesitate before shooting a friend in the forehead.
But in those stories the large group is usually whittled down to a central core of characters that the audience really cares about. The same applies to your friends- you only really stick to those who care enough and have the sense not to judge your decisions. You can do away with the ones who transformed into monsters – the ones who became threatened by your new direction and sneered, naysayed and belittled your efforts and achievements. Cut them out of your life like infected limbs gone septic. There’s not much to be done if they want to join the legions of the toxic undead
3. Writing/ Critique Group
John W. Campbell’s seminal 1938 novella Who Goes There? depicts an alien that kills and mimics the members of an Antarctic team of explorers. The alien mimics them so perfectly that no one is sure who is the invader and this uncertainty engenders enough damaging paranoia to tear the group apart. You don’t have to read the novella, just watch John Carpenter’s 1982 film version ‘The Thing” (above) for a realistic portrayal of tenacious group dynamics.
It could happen to any sort of group in which all members share a common cause and have to spend an inordinate amount of time together: critique groups, theatre groups, dance classes, artists’ colonies, workshops and camps. A rogue element may rattle the status quo; perhaps you are the newcomer and your talents and views are not welcomed. Some people form and join groups to feel better in collective misery and stagnation but oh no, you had the audacity to improve and now they feel threatened! (Provided that you are not actually rude, arrogant and obnoxious to other members…)
It is very difficult to know who is human and not alien in a group. Other people can smile to your face and wish you were dead at the same time. Who is undermining you and your creative efforts? Perhaps in some group settings such as a short course or workshop, it is better not to know and concentrate on your work. Keep your head down, maintain your composure, offer constructive criticism and smile. Who knows? Reassure other members that you’re human too and you may gain valuable friends and allies.
However, if you are stuck for the long haul it is recommended that you draw these people out but in an indirect manner. In “The Thing”, the protagonist MacReady devises a blood test to determine who is the alien; a live copper wire is dipped into a blood sample from each group member. Since the alien mimics its victims at a cellular level, MacReady theorises that the imitation human blood will also react when electrocuted. The terrifying alien’s weakness is it’s defensiveness.
Find the weaknesses in your group alien/s; are they pompous? Do they perceive any criticism of their work as a personal attack? Drop a few inncuous comments and let them react with enough doubt and insecurity to trigger a reaction. Stand back and watch them self-destruct. How alienating for them to make a scene in class or during a gathering.
Final Note
Does the tone of this post sound Machiavellian? I really like to believe that human nature does not rear its ugly head but I don’t want to be left wondering why I didn’t see those heads rearing up. Like that chest-burster from ‘Alien’ (1979)
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Zen Pen
Zen wisdom come in sayings or the koan- a lightning bolt of impenetrable, illogical profundity. Answers are not required as the enigmatic sayings and axioms are intended to induce enlightenment by moving the mind to a different position. This is called a mental ‘precipice’.
Whether you leap off the precipice or sit and admire the view, the Zen approach brings benefits to the writing process. If your writing sessions sound more like “Arghhhhh!” instead of “Ahhhhh…!” read on.
1. “Water that is too pure has no fish” (Hong Zicheng)
You may have created a great protagonist/ antagonist. But no one is 101% goody-two shoes or evil. Not only are these characters stock, two-dimensional and boring, they are also implausible. Characters are conflicted and flawed, they are rattling bags of contradictions and they transform over the course of a story. Or even a sentence.
2. “Omnipotence is not knowing how everything is done – it’s just doing it” (Alan Watts)
Story plans : structures or strait-jackets? Try not to think of concrete definitions in the early stages. Instead, put your story in an open space and explore it. You don’t have to know all the answers yet.
3. “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear, does it make a sound?” (unknown)
A koan-like philosophy question but not a Zen koan. Can something exist without it being perceived?
You may have manuscripts tucked away somewhere, stories you don’t show to anyone. Without exposure they are as good as non-existent. Go on, dig them out, have another look. Since you wrote them, you owe them their existence.
4. “In serving, serve.
In fighting, kill.” (Jinzu)
Let me append another line, “In writing, write.”
I see this as a warning against multitasking, which detracts from your intention. We all do it, but perhaps it is better to turn off the technological distractions and just concentrate on your work.
5. “The reverse side also has a reverse side” (proverb)
As a writer you are encouraged to be investigative and look beyond the obvious. There is never just one aspect or story to anyone or anything.
Eat Drink Write
Workshops, websites and how-to books are full of creative-writing advice but do not address the issue of health. To be frank: you can’t write when you are ill. This post will only address physical health, but please read on, as a sound body = a sound mind. (As a disclaimer, I do not claim to be a qualified nutritionist or a dietician nor should the advice given in this blog post consititute as medical advice.)
1. Illegal drugs/alcohol – Anything you write will be embarrassing when the substance wears off. Yes, some famous writers wrote their best work when under the influence but they sacrificed their life expectancy for forced prolificacy. Don’t touch the stuff unless you’re William Burroughs, Phillip K. Dick, Aldous Huxley or Hunter S. Thompson- where some of their best work was about being under the influence.
2. Coffee - The cliched tipple of choice for writers. The law of diminishing-returns applies after your second or third cup. All coffee needs is a cup to contain it, therefore sugar and cream will weigh you down and those chocolate/ vanilla sprinkles will get scatter over your notebook or get stuck in your teeth.
3. Tea- black, green, white, red etc…as above. A pox on those who add sugar and cream to their macha – it’s like Jackson Pollacking a Zen painting.
4. Ice cream. You can’t eat it quickly, which is always conducive to dreamstorming. But you can eat too much of it, which is conducive to nodding off in front of the computer. Go out, buy a coneful and walk around if you’re stuck.
5. Tidbits. Avoid mindless munching or you will inhale that can of Pringles or crisps in the same time it takes to delete a paragraph. Prawn and fish crackers make your fingers greasy and stain your keyboard, mouse or touchscreen. ICK!!
6. Pomegranates, pistachios, artichokes, bananas etc..., any food you have to peel will make you slow down and think.
7. Water. I am not advocating x number of glasses a day, but consider that when you quaff enough at regular intervals you will have to get up from your chair/desk and go to the toilet. No harm in scheduling mini-breaks and stretching your legs. (Apologies to those who have to wear adult-diapers…)
What are your suggestions for food and drink? Anything thats not advisable?
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Dance or Die…
Dancing= standing up, whereas writing = sitting down. The similarity is not apparent but the two interconnect for me. Since childhood I’ve been to most types of dance classes with invariably, some injury to show for them; sprained my ankles, pulled hamstrings, and even tore a tendon choreographing a lyrical routine to U2′s ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’. standing in queues and practise flamenco zapateos or Irish stepdancing.
I carried on dancing in spite of an eating disorder and people telling me I was fat. (I don’t remember which gave cause to the other and I was never obese or lard-arsed…) only because when I was doing it I could shut out all outside negativity and chatter. Writing, dancing, painting etc…thats the real beauty of any creative activity – you do it no matter what others say or think.
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Spread Yourself
K.M Weiland ran a blog post on The Worst Writing Advice and the usual suspects turned up such as; “Write what you know,” “Follow/ Break all the rules,” and ” Don’t worry about your audience.”.
I want to add another fatuous gem to this list, “Stick to what you know.”
Really?
I’ve not had those exact words expressed to my face but I remember generating such sentiments in the early experimental stages. When I wrote poetry, plays, flash fiction and even Billy Bragg-esque songs. Some of them (especially the songs) were awful. Naturally I was told that I couldn’t be good at everything and was advised, ‘Stick to what you know.’ and not to be a Jill of all trades because specialization guarantees success, especially in the commercial sense.
As in art and in evolution- specialization is a death sentence in the long run. For many excellent reasons (in my case its boredom).
In the beginning people love telling you what you can and cannot do. Prove them wrong.
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Research: Caution
The modern detective story flips the normal narrative sequence on its head. If we go by standard procedure; the corpse and crime is introduced first and followed by the investigator piecing together how/when/why the crime happened. Storytelling that is arse-backwards. No wonder detective fiction is still one of the most compelling genres.
When carrying out research for your novel (or fiction of any length) you may have to assume the mantle of detective. Not that there will be dead bodies involved (heaven forbid!) but it helps to follow procedure:
1) Don’t get carried away
This applies equally to rookie and veterans. For example you may have a great idea for an historical murder-mystery set in 15th Century Florence. Research duly begins into the political and social conditions of the era. Perhaps one evening as you research possible murder weapons, you come across a book about daggers. There are pages of illustrations about 15th century stilettos – aren’t they beautiful and lethal?! Lets just forget about the protagonist being a courtesan, now she’s the daughter of a murdered bladesmith! Why? Because stilettos are so lovely…..!
2. Don’t get lost
This applies more to research on the Internet. You start your research and have clicked on so many links that you have ended up at a dead Geocities type of website. How did you get there? You can’t go back because your browser does not support cookies. Hence you trudge back to Google, enter your keyword/s and begin again. Research one thing at a time and resist the urge to open up multiple tabs- it may work for social networking but not professional working.
3. Don’t panic!
In the beginning you rejoice – there are whole mountain ranges’ worth of knowledge pertaining to your WIP! Alas the initial euphoria turns to stress- what do I do with all this information? How do I know which ones to select? Maybe this was a stupid idea after all…
Lets steal an idea from the self-help gurus: relax, its always much easier to know what you do not want than what you do want. Start scaling the mountain range at the bottom.
4. Don’t gloss over
There is the amusing bit in Ian McEwan’s ‘Atonement’, when Briony Tallis is corrected by World War II veterans for the errors in her manuscript; bombs do not weigh a thousand tons and ‘No British soldier would say ‘On the double’…The correct term is ‘At the double’.
Facts are facts but what maybe minor to you is major to others. Please do not do yourself a disservice. Especially when it comes to cultures, terminology and languages. One or two errors is pardonable but a whole slew of them simply screams, “SLOPPY! SLOPPY! SLOPPY!”
5) Don’t forget to consult
Remember that writing need not be a solitary activity. Consult your friends. Every major television program such as ‘House’ and ‘CSI’ has a team of consultants in specialist areas. Where is your team? You may not have friends who are doctors, lawyers or detectives but you never know who possesses some obscure or arcane knowledge in the form of old books, magazines, pictures, albums etc…Hobbyists provide fascinating and useful information too.
The best to way to approach people is to say, “I’m doing research for a novel…”. They normally open up like clams filter-feeding during a warm high tide. Don’t forget to acknowledge them later. (The people, not the clams….)
Finally when you have solved the mystery of doing research:
6) Don’t forget about your WIP
